After my unsatisfying interview
with the Prime Minister, I met with Justin Trudeau, leader of the Liberal Party.
That didn’t go much better.
To start with, he wanted to meet
me on a beach in Cuba. When I got there he was lying on his side in the sand,
wearing nothing but a red Speedo, long curls hanging over his face. His jaw
didn’t so much look chiseled as like it had been carved out of granite to be a
Pharaoh’s tomb.
“Mr. Trudeau,” I began.
“Call me” – he brushed some sand
off his abs – “Justin.”
“Okay, Justin. The Liberals have
proposed a loosely Keynesian budget, trying to soften the oncoming downturn
with deficit-funded spending on infrastructure. Do you think this country is
really that desperately in need of infrastructure? One might argue that we’re
in pretty good shape already, and that increasing spending might lead to a lot
of unnecessary and wasteful projects. Like that train line to Pearson Airport
that no one ever uses.”
“That’s an interesting
question,” he said, “and I love answering interesting questions because of my
intelligence and experience.” He pointed to the book on the sand next to him, which
was titled Advanced Vector Calculus.
“Just some light reading, to rest my brain. Given that it’s an election, I
would read something on economics or political science, but, you know, I read
them all already. All the books.” He stretched languidly. “Yep, I’m that
smart.”
“Sure, okay,” I said. “I wasn’t
questioning that, since the perception you’re inexperienced is basically just
the product of Conservative attack ads.”
“Oh, I’m” – he gave me a sort of
come-hither look – “experienced.”
“But you didn’t actually answer
my question.”
“Didn’t I?” He winked. “I don’t
know how I forgot, because I love talking about my erection.” There was a
really dumbfoundingly long pause before he finally added, “of infrastructure.”
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